Vestibular Me post, Fri July 3, 2105

The joy of a long walk, is so much time to think…I think that is a joy?

Update:  August 9,2015

Thanks to everyone who sent a “that was funny” email.  I guess, it is.  At least a little funny,  It is a month later.  I’ve ridden my VTX 1300 a little.  On the open-road it just takes more focus, and in-town too.    My gym workout starts with severe intensity this month.  My legs just feel weak.  The doctors say it’s because in order for my body, i.e. eyes to control things I use different muscles?  I hiked from Spring Valley over Mt. Helix to home,6.2 miles, legs were not an issue while I walked.  Walking on Mt. Helix, over Fuerte Dr.  is not recommended, there is not much room.  And all the really rich people in their Prius’, think their little cars are actually BMW 740’s..ahhh no.

The fact that this month will be six months just plain sucks.  The upside is slowly getting better.  Emphasis here on the word slow.  If I really focus my typing speed is back up into the 30wpm range.  I guess I shouldn’t complain.  However;  not being able to bitch, whine, or complain would be against my nature so…there you go.

I will say I have had the opportunity to read the Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss.  It’s no secret I am a Huge Tolkien fan and this seems to fall right in line.  In fairness I don’t see myself in the fantasy gendre’, but then…you never know.

Reading, watching Youtube and trying to write….more have been my life.









































People ask me why I walk neighborhoods, alleys, and parking lots.  I grew up on Haystack Mtn.,  we were the 2nd house built on the left side of BW rd.  I don’t like to walk with traffic.  Having grown-up in Cumberland you have to go out of you way to find traffic.

I do miss the Uncle Stan’s, who would say hello.  The Dr. Bolyard’s who would remind you when to mow next.  The Mr. Jackson’s who would tell you if you had a job, you could buy a car and not have to walk.  lol.  Now I like to watch the expressions of the people I do speak too…interesting.

After I told my Dr.’s I was walking they said ok.  Since no one seems to have a cure for Vestibular…anything, the fact that I’m doing better is a plus.  Having talked with many others…better is always good.

This seemed too much of a ramble to put on Facebook so I come here to practice my typing skills  Those, to, are getting better…slowly.  If you know anyone with VN, VL, Chronic Fatigue or the myriad of other ‘retro-virus” type illnesses and I hear about you making fun of them, I will personally come and beat your a#z.  Yeah, even I used to think it was funny…guess what?  Not so much.

I’ve had to accept the fact that flying around the world alone or scaling Everest in my underwear are probably out, other than that.  I still see few limitations.  For those that don’t care, it’s ok…neither do I!  My journey without ME started 31 years ago, I think that is long enough.  Be a part of team ME or not, it’s up to you.  I’m moving on, one way or another!!!


These Dreams..

OK, I was going to start a video blog, my equipment for it is mediocre at best.  So this post, I will type.  That means typing out a sentence and then back-spacing all of it to fix or correct it.  Yes, it’s a PITA.

Anyway, the Heart song, “These Dreams” comes to mind this morning.  Remember the lyrics?   Here’s a video link if you’re Googly challenged this morning.  I think this post is being driven by six hours sleep. Woo  hooo or maybe how Ann and Nancy Wilson looked in the video….not sure which, look at all that hair!

Actually I had a nice dream last night.  I probably wish it had been a little different; but there was no blood, gore, violence, etc.  So, it was just nice.

I did have that class in college, Freud and this buddies, when they talk about your subconscious and what dreams mean.  I could probably take a stab at interpreting the scary, gory ones…but the nice ones?

Maybe it’s because I almost over-dosed on Terrace P video’s at Redonkulas last night.  The last one I watched before nodding off, might have set the tone…pretty telling if I look at it that way.

Life is tough enough with the yoke you choose to wear:   Even worse when it’s chosen for you.   I’ve said it before, if you’re under 20 or 30 or even 40 you might just shake your head, go back to bed and enjoy yourself.  “Winning!!!” as Terrance would say, but at some point, and you knew there had to be a but…the tide will change.  Whether you’re a player, a sayer,or betrayer, I’m not certain whether it’s you or others…but things change.  People change, and believe it or not…you can change too!

Mine’s taken about a year.  Long year, for more than a variety of preventable and non-preventable reasons.  Focus….on the stuff you can change.  This is not a fix everyone sort of post…this is a what I am trying, here are the steps post.  I’ve come to accept a different mantra, 5 words for somethings, “not sure, really don’t care”!  Somethings, even I can’t change/fix/repair/correct.

What’s the point?  I am so happy to be able to type a little better maybe there isn’t one.  Who was in the dream?  Haaa, wouldn’t you like to know!  But like I was nice.  You know what that means?  Is the point that “I’m OK with that”?   No clothes ripping, sweating, chasing each other naked thru the forest…OK, that might have been a little better, but it wasn’t like that.  Can you have a support dream where you plan for your next life?  Maybe that’s what it was,or maybe just a..move on, next stage….reminder.  Still fighting, but everyday a little better.

Exciting Entrepreneurship!!!

As an intro….I was diagnosed with VN (vestibular Neuritis) the end of February 2015) apart from the falling on the floor and bouncing off the walls, which have decreased dramatically; the one thing which seemed to disappear was my ability to type.  I was on a good day, a 60wpm typist, let me tell you what going from that to hunt-peck feels like.  Be that as it may, despite the prevailing medical wisdom of, “well, it probably will get better” as is my nature; I will force myself to type, et al or, well, whatever.  So a misspelled or wrong word here or there is probably a given.  I promise to try as best I can, but…meh…no guarantees!

Exciting Entrepreneurship!!!

What a great idea it is, to work for yourself!  You know what…I agree, however, there is a caveat.  You are all pumped with a great idea, maybe you even have enough money for it and then you fail.

Doesn’t that suck?  Sure, it does.

Did you ever play little league baseball?  Did you hit a home run every time?  NO. Did you strikeout, hit the ball to the shortstop, get thumped in the side of the head with a curveball…yeah, me too, except for the home run part.  I sucked at baseball, but anyway.  You did not succeed every time!

Is my point to temper you enthusiasm?  Probably not, to be prepared might be a better way to put it.  You can have the world greatest business plan, take-over a great business (this I have experience with), or be too smart for your own good; there’s a better than average likelihood your idea will fail.

Why, because of those wonderful things called humans.  They are fickle, unpredictable and self-absorbed.  I don’t care who you are, what you study or what you think you know…I’ve seen it…..just anticipate it!

But…I am so excited!  That’s good.  A friend of mine has a quick post about being passionate, particularly in business.

If I were a psychologist,I’m sure that translates into the rest of your life, but since I’m not….well, make-up your own mind.  I can ramble on an on, but let me just leave you with this.  (As I try to put those ideas to work for me!)

Is your excitement……..passionate?  If you have to start from nothing and work your way up…can you do it?  Are you willing to do, almost, whatever it takes.

I am an Ayn Rand fan. So. I often find myself fighting the struggle between helping and being helpless.  I’ll deal with it.  Most of it is theory anyway, in my opinion. Let’s save that for another day.

John says you should be passionate about the people you serve.  If you have an idea, need money and want your idea and/or product to be something:  You need to learn, very, very quickly….you can’t do it by yourself.    Your excitement is contagious.  So too…your passion.  Words of wisdom.  It may not happen today or tomorrow.  It might seem like you are all by yourself,  You might be on project number 4.

If it wakes you up at night, you see things and think…I could use that for x,y, or z.:  Then remember, the fire to every passionate idea is to never forget,  yes, you can let it simmer every once in a while.  But when the passion burns brightly follow the light, what’s the worst that can happen?


The only guy…

Holed Pistons….

Broken Spindle…

No gas $$$ for a race weekend…

No $$$ for a new life in NC….

Missed opportunies….


Overcoming it alll!


Now..just a bathroom trip is an adventure

They list their stages…none of them list…anger!!!!!

Guess what… are all wrong!!!!!  Never too old to be angry……..

The Essence Master

Even I feel the passage of time, yet I am so old

I am no god, I am a keeper, keeper of the spark

Across the eons some have known me, but very few

Many desperately try to understand my purpose, few can


I travel in ways no mortal could ever comprehend

My existence comes from before time began

When darkness and light were all there was

In little more than the blink of an eye, a purpose given


Are there others?  I am only aware of what I am

I have heard them call me an opportunity seeker

Discerning among the living who should be “aware”

Such shallow minds to think there are some who are not


That only those who choose life’s pedestal have been uniquely gifted

Arrogance like this, I see a billion times across the universe and laugh

Pained when the spark, this gift, is taken for granted by too many

Discarded, as if it means no more than sunsets or breathing


Collecting as I go, leaving none mired in that lifeless void, alone

To exist there, formless, to feel hopeless, forsaken

Sometimes just a few seconds can extinguish the spark, so tragic

There are those; so strong, so bright, they seldom need my help


Floating through the universal ether in search of their own existence

We know each other by name now, it’s good to have friends

Seeking out the next shell to connect to the consciousness network

Always interesting to watch that moment, when the spark comes to life


No, it’s not the same every time, all the more enjoyment for me

And there are times, when it doesn’t work, those I don’t understand

It is such a simple thing, almost like the flipping of a switch

When it refuses my direction, it is certainly essence lost….


Friends 01122015“Do you think anyone notices us here?” He looked at her as if the answer was much too obvious, but he had to ask anyway.  “Why in the world would you ask such a stupid question, they don’t really notice us…they just know we are here.”  She seemed quite pleased with her answer and walked to the edge of the water to rinse a few annoying grains of sand from her toes.    He followed quickly, looking from left to right, you never knew…just in case.  He stared at her feet, well,  not really feet but he liked to think of them like that.  She did the same thing, all the time.  She just couldn’t stand that annoying sand.  He laughed to himself thinking how many times he had tried to get her to stay up in the grass, near the houses, it was nicer there.  But no, she was a beach chick, or so she would say.

She looked over and caught him staring, “don’t say it again, I know what you are going to say…stay in the grass,  you won’t get sand there and have to rinse it out.  Well, you know I don’t like the grass…I’m a beach chick, not a grass chick….you know the difference…..right?   If it bothers you that much,  go up there and strut around with those floozies you’re always gawking at anyway.”    He took half a step back, ” I didn’t say a thing”.   She turned towards him, almost indignant, “yeah, well, you need to decide…beach or grass.  I won’t have you parade around down here when you would rather be up there.  So just make up your mind right now!”

He was so stunned he knew the seconds he waited to answer would only worsen his fate.  “You know, I’ve been on this beach with you for a long time.  Just because I think it’s funny the way you dip your toes,  doesn’t mean I want to change everything.”  But he was talking to the back of her head, she had turned and walked a few steps away, staring blanking down the near empty beach.  So no matter what or who you are, here it is.  He could slowly walk away or suck it up and fly up along the sides of the buildings until he found a nice spot he could call his own.  They’d hatched a lot of eggs together over the years, even when it got cold they would fly together to find a warmer spot until spring.  But maybe she was right, maybe it wasn’t just that one thing.

She had moved further down the beach seemly oblivious to his very existence.  “Fine” he thought to himself, and with a few hearty flaps he was up above the beach, he caught a nice sea breeze and soared up much higher than he normally did.  There from far above as he looked down at all the others, all the buildings, the cars, the people he realized his attention and focus were directed at only one spot of the beach.  There she stood.  She was still so pretty, just like the day they had first met.  That day too, he had seen her from afar.  But something about her had caught his eye.  He swooped down that day, much too quickly, nearly slamming into the ground before regaining his composure to saunter up beside her.  It seemed as if it was only yesterday.

Yet, there she was and he knew there was no place on earth he would rather be.  He circled slowly, watching as she walked and then more slowly this time sailed gently down to be by her side.  He still stumbled in the stiff wet sand but she stopped when he had reached her.   They both turned and looked out towards the ocean enjoying the sunset, feeling the spray and the breeze as it blew.  She walked to the edge of the water to rinse off her toes and he stood there beside her doing the exact same thing.  They looked at each other and smiled, because that’s what friends do.


Jump 01122015

At times it is surely all you can do

The excitement to share great news about you

The anger at knowing some things will not change

Or a hop, for a hope, to a life rearrange

Does anyone care that you act up this way

Strangers might stare but some “friends” look away

Not certain of what they think you might feel

Afraid to believe, their dreams you might steal

Here as the sun warms heads, hearts and hands

A future before you, so cluttered with plans

Not that you care for their feelings too much

Your crisp, bright new future is just out of touch

Push the darkness behind you that mess you don’t need

New steps on a journey, a brave life to seed

Dragging yourself out from this cold winter slump

Up onto the railing to sing, dance and jump…